February 1999
STATE OF THE UNION

Bill Clinton wasnt his usual cocksure self before Congress during his January 19th State of the Union address, stumbling on the teleprompter at least six times. His delivery is usually flawless. His unease was undoubtedly indicative of his preoccupation with the impeachment trial in the Senate.

The chamber was very subdued. Even the Democratic senators preferred that Clinton postpone the speech until after the trial. They didnt want to be put in the position of having to applaud his liberal big-government programs while under a pledge to judge him im-partially for his crimes.

By and large, they simply sat on their hands. They left the cheering to House liberals like Maxine Waters and Barney Frank. This accounts for the widows of the slain Capitol Police officers and Rosa Parks getting the huge ovations the president traditionally gets during the State of the Union address. In general, the applause was mostly perfunctory. The most ironic moment came early in the speech, when Clinton wagged his famous finger at the American people, telling them The state of our Union is strong. He hasnt used the finger-wag histrionics since he told the American people that he did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. When he wags his finger so prominently, is he lying? Does that mean the State of the Union isnt strong?

Clinton spent an hour and seventeen minutes (enough to ensure that the Republican response was far past prime time) promising to enlarge the size and scope of the federal government. He proposed spending more taxpayer dollars on anything that polled well in his most recent public opinion polls:

More money for Social Security.
Invest some of the surplus in the private sector. (What does that mean?)
Once we have saved Social Security, we must save Medicare. (Ill bet that polled well.)
Affordable prescription drugs. (Sounds better than expensive ones.)
USA Accounts in which Americans get to choose where to save. (As opposed to Washington telling us where to invest? This is a Democrat idea?)
$1,000 tax credit for those who care for the elderly. Wake up, Bill. It costs a heck of a lot more than a thousand bucks to care for an elderly relative for a full year. Why not make it all tax deductible? Afraid you and Hillary wouldnt get enough of our wages to redistribute to your political friends?

Clinton took credit forng up colleges for all Americans. Yes, there was a time in America when blacks could not go to college. We took on that discrimination in the fifties and won that battle in the seventies. Clinton gratuitously took credit for that, eliciting cheap applause from blacks he thinks are too stupid to know any better.

Clinton said it was wrong for high school graduates to get diplomas they cant read. He purloined that line right out of Newt Gingrichs stump speech. Of course everybody is for that.

Clinton called for the closing of poor schools, and more information about schools for parents. That is right out of the Republican school choice playbook.

Clinton boasted that when he was elected,  ... there was just one charter school. Today there are over 1,100. Yes, thanks to Republican governors in 32 states.

Clinton called for discipline in our schools. (A no-brainer.)

For his campaign contributors among the trial lawyers, he announced that the Justice Department will sue the tobacco companies. Justice will hire big DNC contributors to handle the litigation, for a third of the settlement, which in turn will help finance Democratic campaigns well into the 21st century.

Clinton is all for adult literacy. (Wow!)

He called for the creation of an American private investment company, so that the federal government could play a central role in determining where Americans invest their money. In Clintons world, Americans arent bright enough to handle their own investments. Even though private investment has worked well for the last 223 years of the Republic, and we have the strongest economy in the world, Clinton thinks its time for the federal government to step in. (Nitwit!)

This one is my favorite: Clinton called on us to Put a human face on the global economy. What does that mean? The phrase obviously polled well in some focus group.

Clinton called on Americans to give millions of their hard-earned money to the PLO, and their sympathizers in the Palestinian ghettos of Jordan, as extortion, so they will stop hating and killing Jews. (What a Jackass!)

CLINTON CALLED ON US TO SAFEGUARD AMERICAN NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY SO IT NEVER FALLS INTO THE WRONG HANDS. Does that mean because he cant run for re-election, he wont sell any more missile technology to the Red Chinese in exchange for illegal campaign contributions? What hypocrisy! He called for a major initiative of one billion dollars for a livability agenda. First of all, one thousand million dollars in a three trillion dollar economy is not major. And what is a livability agenda? Sounds as if somebody got happy with another focus group, or Al Gore got involved in drafting this point.

Finally, Clinton called this the last State of the Union address in the 20th century. WRONG! There is one more to go. 2000 is the last year in the 20th century. We started with the year 1, not the year 0. So much for poor math scores after the eighth grade.